July 23, 2006
How To Get Evicted Part 34: Urine-Flinging
Erich Fuchs and his neighbors are angry with their landlord. They think that he's been gussying up the building in which they live, 230 Riverside Drive, so as to raise the rents. That's an understandable issue to have, but then Fuchs went and took it to a gross new level. He poured a bucket of urine onto a construction worker from his 10th-floor balcony. Think about that. He poured a bucket of urine from his balcony onto a construction worker. A bucket. Of urine. So now his landlord wants him out. Reasonable, no?
But the story gets crazier. Not only does Fuchs have a history of landlord issues (he's been in Housing Court 13 times in the past 15 years), but he's also seemingly immune to HIV. So on the upside, Fuchs poured a bucket of HIV-resistant urine onto a construction worker from his 10th floor balcony.
Also, you have to love the Post hed and deck: "URINE, HE'S OUT: Landlord tossing 'pee-flinging' tenant"
Detail of Dog Urine (400x magnification) by Leonardo on flickr.
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what, no urinetown joke?
As Per Wikipedia:
"Fresh urine is sterile and may be used as an antiseptic - for the sterilization, the urine has to flow directly from the urethra onto the wound."
I really don't see the problem. He shouldn’t be evicted. Also the construction worker should be honored that Fuchs poured his HIV resistant urine on his person. He is indeed blessed.
He shouldn't be evicted. He should go to jail. And the contruction worker should sue him for $10 million for emotional damages. This is New York after all.
But did he yell "Fuchs you!" while he was dumping it?
It must be so difficult to get along with normal people when you're the next step in human evolution. This Fuchs guy must be like an X-Man. Although Magneto would beat his HIV-resistant piss any day.
What would his X-Man name be? Captain No-HIV-pee? Immune-Wee Man? AIDS-piss-away-o? I'm not very good at this.
I'm going to suggest something like
HIV-I-P
and hope that someone can design a good costume, since I can't.
All I could think of is: How long did it take him to fill a bucket of urine and how long did it have to sit and reek in his apartment? Or did he have a piss party? Is it just his urine or did friends contribute.
Ah just piss off.
"But did he yell "Fuchs you!" while he was dumping it?"
...
Damn, Brightliner, you beat me to it...
That's ok interlard, I can help. For some stupid reason I AM actually good at this.
His superhero name should maybe be:
Super Pee/HIV-Free Man
Captain Power Pee
Mighty Morhin Power Pee
And certainly his Clark Kent alter ego should be I.P. Freely
Oops I meant Mighty Morphin Power Pee-er