March 25, 2007
Opinionist: When Baby Blogs Go Bad
If you can read this right now, you don't need me to explain blogs. These days everyone has them, from preteens to political figures. Personally, I came to the party a little late. I didn't own a computer until the year 2000 and I never even considered blogging...that is until I had something I really wanted to talk about. When my husband and I were excitedly awaiting our first child, we wanted to find a way to keep friends and family informed and involved. We started small, sonogram pictures, monthly updates. Soon, it was a daily record of our little guy's complete development. Photos, videos, doctor appointment summaries, rants and unabashed glowing praise of his every small step. Baby blogs abound. From the purely anecdotal to the instructional, baby sites offer parents a place to vent or simply find strength in numbers. They have a purpose and are both created and frequented by parents who choose to believe that the human condition has not fallen so far...that at the core we are all just trying to do the best we can for these people we love beyond words.
At nearly 300 posts, our little blog has been a success. We don't measure that in dollars or traffic, but in the way that we've been able to share our son with loved ones and, eventually, well-intentioned strangers as well. Most of the comments we receive are from his excited grandparents or our friends who like to coo and tease. The other day, however, we received a comment that simply stated, "Someone is stealing photos of your son." The comment included a link and, of course, I clicked on.
What I saw was completely unexpected and, to be honest, sickening. Someone I had never met, nor even heard of, had posted photos of her son "Dante", only the photos were of my son, not at all a "Dante". There were pages of odd stories about her Latino boyfriend, Marco (in fact my husband - not Latino either) and her step-mother (this was actually a photo of me...27 and already a grandmother). Included with the baby photos were shots of her drinking in bars, partying with friends. This girl is 19 years old at most and is bragging about her adorable love-child.
As you would expect, I was horrified. Why would somebody do this? Is this allowed, is it legal? And maybe unexpectedly, the absurdity of her story bothered me even more. Suddenly, my Manhattan born Park Slope boy was Hispanic and living in trailer conditions somewhere in Florida. His college educated, former school teacher, stay-at-home mom replaced with a party-girl teen who wears shirts that say "Nail Me". She listed his birth-weight at 6 pounds; he was several pounds bigger than that. I know because, unlike her, I physically gave birth to him. And, as much as I would have liked it, he was not sleeping through the night after only a few weeks, as she so ridiculously claims.
While I may lack technological finesse, my son's father (also known as my husband) does not. He does this for a living. He went through multiple channels to reach Xanga, the service provider, to get the site taken down. A week later, and still no response. This site that claims to be family friendly doesn't seem to care about my family's Thanksgiving photos being stolen to fulfill the bizarre fantasies of a sick girl.
My own response was less diplomatic, though, as a mother, no less understandable. I began a barrage of increasingly angry comments on the site. And I wasn't the only one. Other people, strangers, joined me in telling her to take the photos down. Admittedly, my language on these comments is not family friendly.
And here we are now. It's possible I am doing exactly the wrong thing, giving her more of the attention she so obviously craves. In the end, it felt right to point out the lie, to claim what is mine. If you're thinking, "You put it out there, you had it coming," you're not entirely wrong. I thought that as well, and I nearly took our own site down. I decided against it because it is still serving its purpose, the way we always intended. My son's great-grandmother can show her friends video of him dancing and laughing. His aunts and uncles can see photos of him enjoying presents they weren't there to give him in person. My mother can read about all the trouble he's giving me and chuckle at the justice in that. It's also, in essence, a labor of love. Someday, embroiled in teenage angst and self-doubt, my son might question his parents love for him (say, when we refuse to buy him a car or won't send him to Cancun with friends). Clearly documented is not only our affection, but our fullout parental obsession; every moment, monumental or otherwise recorded in loving detail.
At its best, the internet can bring people together. People are entertained, informed; they connect on myriad levels. The problem is, you never really know who you're connecting with. MaryKate06x, I never saw you coming.
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Hey Margaret -
You chose to put your personal life on the web. And then you chose to put pictures of your child on the web. Copyright your photos or deal with it. The scenario you've described is harmless - and quite honestly - funny. Have a laugh.
That's some post-existential business right there.
Is there even such a thing as identity anymore?
I mean really!
there's really nothing stopping anyone from doing this, but you could watermark your photos.
The photos of your son were stolen and stories about them were invented - what makes you so sure that the photos of the 19-year-old girl are not stolen as well? (myspace?) Sounds less like a teenage girl's "sick fantasy" and more like one person playing mix-and-match with a photos from a whole bunch of sites.
But you mentioned twice that this person is claiming your son is Hispanic. Um... so? Stealing photos = bad. Claiming child is Hispanic = irrelevant. They do have "Manhattan born, Park Slope living" Latinos after all.
Thanks for plugging your site. Wait! That's my Park Slope baby! Why are you calling him "Jonas?" His name is Bethany.
"Suddenly, my Manhattan born Park Slope boy was Hispanic and living in trailer conditions somewhere in Florida." Funniest. Sh%t. Ever.
Why not make your blog "Friends Only"?
To clarify, there's nothing wrong with being Hispanic, or anything else for that matter. I was just struck by how she reinterpreted his dark complexion and features. I found it odd how that I look at my son and see clearly the mixture of my husband and myself, while she can see something else entirely.
You describe the posts you left on the copycat site as not "family friendly." Just read them - They were ridiculous. I respect Gothamist's comment policy - so I'll offer you constructive criticism. Get Over Yourself.
why on earth would you keep a public blog with so many photos of your baby?
seriously.. i would really like to hear you try to justify the risk you present by giving specific locations of where you take the kid. just so you can show relatives baby pictures? get a private photobucket account.
i hate to sound like an old fogey, but the internet really ISN'T a safe place. i think a pathetic girl stealing baby pictures is small beans compared to what could happen.
i am somewhat "tech-savvy" and would be happy to help you set up your blog with password protection so just family members could see it. i've used a real email address with this post, so feel free to email me.
i've had a friend stalked (LITERALLY STALKED) by an old teacher of his, and it began the same way... he stole pictures from his myspace and facebook and started a fictional xanga account.
so like, wake up and do the right thing. he seems like a great kid and i can see why you'd want to show him off to the world, but you've really got to sit and think about everybody who might stumble across that website.
You're foolish and naive to put your blog on the internet openly as you did. It is possible to create a blog which requires a login password that you can provide to friends and family.
I would bet that the supposed photos of herself on that xanga site are from someone else also.
It is probably just some wacko grabbing pics from the internet and creating something fake.
I'm sure this happens all the time.
Take this as a lesson. The internet is near anarchy and if you don't want personal pictures getting out there, stick to photo albums (the ones you can touch).
I sympathize though, I would feel very strange if this happened to me
This should be a wake up call to all that have detailed personal blogs. I am sorry to see this happening to you. It looks like this girl's "twin sister" is also doing similiar things with photos of someone else's kids. It may be a joke, but it's definitely sick!
how do we know you didn't steal the pictures of dante and put it on your site?
i agree with the posters above. get a password protected site otherwise, get over it. you obviously have a strong need for attention on the internet, hence this post on gothamist. stop wasting all of your time online posting every single look your son makes and actually spend time WITH him. geesh.
I just read some of the comments you left on that site. I would reccommend that you calm down and let his roll off. don't take it too seriously. It could just be some schizophrenic, seriously, who knows? Think about how pointless it would be to call them a dirty whore
and 15 has done it! he's summed it up perfectly.
"Suddenly, my Manhattan born Park Slope boy was Hispanic and living in trailer conditions somewhere in Florida. His college educated, former school teacher, stay-at-home mom replaced with a party-girl teen who wears shirts that say "Nail Me"."
This is the funniest thing I have read all week--if not EVER! I sooo want a t-shirt that says "nail me."
I'd guess that more likely, she's warming up for some kind of heart breaker, wherein Dante gets terminal cancer or she looses her job or her whole family is suddenly destitute and she desperately needs diaper money.
I'm on both sides - yes its shocking and sad and scary that some girl is stealing your kids pictures and using them for some selfish reason, but her site is pretty funny, especially when there's not pictures of the baby she's all drunk and skinny. I sort of hope she continues on because this is better than dr. phil.
It looks like all those pictures are stolen--the girls in the bars are clearly in the US and the grammar, idioms and spelling indicate that this was written by someone who is English (fell pregnant, piccies, etc.) not someone who moved there recently. The person is clearly sick but the internet offers no privacy (see the New York magazine cover story a month or so ago). I'd do as the people above recommended and password protect your site and family.
Why would you put pictures on the internet and then get all sorts of shocked when someone purloins it.
Get real, in this day and age of identification theft and sexual predators you post pics of the son that you profess are for "well-intentioned strangers as well". My sister trained my nephew that even if someone he knew picked him up at school, he was not to get into the car without that person having the correct "password".
I also think your elitist self-aggrandizing sense of entitlement may be showing through ......
i'm sensing a L&O ripped from the headlines during the May sweeps -- protect yourself and your family and quit your beeotchin
C'mon guys. Sure she was a bit naive. But it must be frightening to see your family's pictures associated with someone else's website. If nothing, it's a good cautionary tale. Thanks for telling the story.
probably a tad dain bramaged after watching the net get replaced at the Florida:Oregon game -- but what's with the links to .ca ads on her web site -- is Mags even in Gothamist range
I'm puzzled by the scare-bolding of "love child". Someone pretended to be proud of a baby she claimed to have had out of wedlock. OH THE HORROR.
Ok, other people have said it before so this is not unique but does bear repeating. Everyone has blogs but YOU Are writing for your son, it's not your toddler typing away. Justify that one. and there's no reason in this day and age, esp as a blogger yourself, to be so ignorant about the public nature of the net. Aside from the fact that you find every sigh, laugh, fart and gasp of your child interesting (which most parents do and rightly so) does not make it public fodder. It's boring to most people and at the same time, creepily attractive to someone like the woman who stole your pictures (or worse!). Get some common sense, make an attempt to protect your kid and then come back to us ok?
One other thing: she said he was Spanish, not Hispanic. Does "Hispanic" somehow fit better with your sense of outrage?
Well, they were pretending the baby was a love child that was being raised in trailer-park conditions in Florida, when in reality that child is being raised in Park Slope by a mommy who can afford to jettison her career to raise her little dumpling (i.e. IN WEDLOCK, DAMMIT, to a man with a suitable profession for supporting a family of three in the degree of smugness to which it is accustomed).
That's an interesting/creepy story that contains a lesson about the internets that some people have already learned, while others haven't. But what's more interesting is the hostility in a few of these comments. wow.
"My own response was less diplomatic, though, as a mother, no less understandable."
Ok, skank. This is day 2 of me knowing that you STOLE my family's photos for your little faker melodrama. Thank god you are not a mother. You would make a terrible parent and are obviously a shitty human being in general.
You stole pictures of my NEWBORN and claimed he was yours. You made up RIDICULOUS lies and need some serious therapy. What's really sad is that this story you made up is PATHETIC. In real life, that baby has two parents that are married and happy; he has a nice home and everything he needs. I pity any poor little trailer babies you may have in the future.
Hee-haw-larious. Mom, is that you?
oh dear god, she claimed he was.......hispanic?! the horror! your comment in defense of that statement does nothing to explain that sentence.
get over yourself, you racist and entitled park slope mommy. how ignorant are you that you would put photos of your child up on the internet and be so shocked when someone does this? whether or not this happened, it's still dangerous and severely stupid to plaster your son's image all over a website.
some nights I lay awake worried about that one stranger that might make our lives difficult one way or another much like what you have experienced, or worse. I am glad you wrote about this- I am thinking it might be time to make his site an invite-only site.
Margaret, getting the other site taken down is actually very easy.
Assuming that you or your husband took the images appropriated by the other site, you are the owners of copyright in the images. Copyright comes into existence at the moment a work is created, and does *not* require registration with the Copyright Office (registration does provide certain benefits, however, but there are not relevant to your immediate problem).
Since you own copyright in the images, you are covered by the DMCA, and can serve Xanga with a takedown notice. A DMCA takedown notice must follow a particular format, but it is really quite easy to prepare. By law, upon receipt of a proper DMCA takedown notice, Xanga must respond in a timely manner or it can lose its ISP liability exemption.
If you have any questions about how to proceed, drop me a line -- I have done many of these, and have never had any major problems in obtaining compliance. Good luck.
Based on the other site's inconsistencies, you may not the only one whose pics were purloined. Somewhere out there most likely resides a young college girl with a pillaged MySpace/Facebook. Seriously, if you place a photo on the Internet, be prepared to have it turn up in unexpected places. Could be worse, they could've Photoshopped the little fellow into some very unpleasant predicaments.
Any remember when private lives were private?
Stop parading your kids off to the world ! There going to have enough to worry about growing up in this cold world as it is ! Don't add to the pressure .
Bottom line, though-That is a super cute kid. If I were a little crazier, I might be motivated to hatch some wacko fantasy site, too. Maybe you should be, uh, flattered.
Simple remedy - take the pictures off the internet and start from scratch with a password protected site for people who might be interested in your spawn's growing pains.
We are bored ..... you are old enough to know better....
looks like it was removed by Xanga...
This is crazy. You want people to hide there kids and stories because someone might find you? People really live in this much fear? You really truly think you ask for it because you show a face on a website?
I equate this with being raped and told you deserved it because you wore too short of a skirt. That is just crazy...
The person stealing your photos was wrong. You did nothing wrong and that is the bottom line. I am appalled...honestly. You take an equal risk by showing up at a department store on any given day. There is no such thing as anonymous.
Why would you put personal photos up for all the world to see unless you didn't care what people did with them? Get a password-protected blog for use by you and your family. They do exist. Then go out and get yourself a "nail me" t-shirt, ha ha ha.
What is it with Mommy bloggers? The more I hear about all your drama, the more I'm convinced you all need to back away from your computers. Perhaps you could spend some time with your children, and chill out?
#24 has it.
And holy god woman, please stop it with the desperate insistence that your baby isn't a hispanic trailer baby and was in fact born in Manhattan to college-educated parents, lives in park slope, and has everything he needs. You're being obviously racist, classist, and straight-up bourgeois lame.
i think we scared her off, guys.
As I was reading this post, I knew what every comment on this thread was going to be about. What in the world did you hope to accomplish with post?
Honestly, I think it's probably someone who knows you, or reads your site, that saw it and probably wanted to mess with you.
Taking the site down is easy if you can prove the images are stolen, but as long as they're on the internet, they could do anything with them... include posting them on kiddie porn message boards with details about where you're going to be.
Good luck with that.
the baby blog is now password protected.
looks like blog commenting can do some good!
#44: Why would you put personal photos up for all the world to see unless you didn't care what people did with them?
I mostly agree with the sentiment of most of the commenters here, but can I just say how tired I am of hearing things like the above-quoted line? Sure, putting things online does come with some risk, no matter how many "all rights reserved" you slap on your site. But it's reasonable to put up content (be it photos, blog posts, o artwork, a website design, etc.) and still retain ownership of same. Putting stuff out there doesn't mean you should no longer care if someone uses your content.
and we still can't smoke in bars