December 7, 2003
Transcript: Paris Hilton on Saturday Night
Rumors didn't let America down: Paris Hilton did make an appearance on Saturday Night Live last night. Dressed in a sharp, slightly sexy (but, let's face it, extremely demure for her), Paris Hilton appeared polite, a little nervous, but overall funny in a classic double entendre exchange with Jimmy Fallon during Weekend Update. Kudos, SNL writers and talent bookers, job well done. Here is the unofficial Gothamist transcript:
Tina Fey: Paris Hilton is a name that's on everyone's lips these days. Here now in an exclusive interview with Jimmy Fallon in Paris Hilton.
Jimmy Fallon: Thanks for coming on.
Paris Hilton: Nice to be here.
JF: So, we agreed, we won't be discussing the scandal that's been in the papers the past couple weeks.
PH: I appreciate that.
JF: We want to find about you, Paris Hilton. Your family...the Hiltons own hotels all around the world.
PH: Yes, in New York, London, Paris.
JF: Wait, there actually is a Paris Hilton?
PH: Yes, there is.
JF: Is it hard to get into the Paris Hilton?
PH: Actually, it's a very exclusive hotel, no matter what you've heard.
JF: I hear the Paris Hilton is very beautiful.
PH: I'm glad that you've heard that.
JF: Is there double occupancy at the Paris Hilton?
PH: No.
JF: Is the Paris Hilton very roomy?
PH: It might be for you. But most people find it very comfortable.
JF: I'm a VIP, I might need to go through the back entrance.
PH: Doesn't matter who are you – it's not going to happen.
JF: Fair enough, okay. I throw a lot of events. Do they have ballrooms there?
PH: We do.
JF: Great, I'd love to have my balls held by the Paris Hilton. Sounds awesome. I'd like to check into the Paris Hilton.
PH: I don't think you can.
JF: Really? I'd only be able to stay there a minute and a half...two minutes, tops.
PH: Good luck.
JF: Paris Hilton!
Gothamist was also struck that the musical guest was Pink, who sang her single, "Trouble" (I'm trouble/ Yeah trouble now/ I'm trouble ya'll/ I disturb my town; lyrics).
And we're waiting for the crew at whatevs.org to file their review, but they weren't optimistic about this episode. Gothamist thought Al Sharpton was decent enough (low expectations help), considering he was bolstered by the presence of the brilliant Tracy Morgan. However, it was depressing because as many of the skits became black–focused, it showed how we really don't see the black performers consistently (same goes for the Halle Berry hosted episode); many of the white players only appeared in a rather amusing sketch about the other Democratic candidates watching Al on SNL.
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damn, did i miss tracy doing al with al?!? i saw that it was on, but i was too tired to watch.
the funniest moment on the show for me was paris standing beside al sharpton at the end.
i hope someone has a picture.
Paris did a good job keeping a straight face, which is more than can be said for Horatio Sanz usually.
I haven't been watching much this season, but was that Kenan of "Kenan & Kel" and "All That" fame I saw?
As usual, the show was largely painful to watch. I saw snipets here and there. I did watch my cuz Paris (just kidding) on W'end Update. It was a little too "bu-dum-dum [cymbal]" for my taste. One punchline after another. Where are the good SNL writers?
I thought it was fun. There was only so far they could go with the gag, without reenacting it. Sure, it was obvious, but it worked well.
If you missed it and want to check it out, you can download past Weekend Update episodes in RealVideo format from www.fallonfey.com.
I though Gothamist would post the Pimp Pimp pic...
thought
Hilton, I think they are all either writing rap albums for Triumph the Insult Comic Dog or trying to counter the O'Reilly Factor.
"However, it was depressing because as many of the skits became black–focused, it showed how we really don't see the black performers consistently (same goes for the Halle Berry hosted episode); many of the white players only appeared in a rather amusing sketch about the other Democratic candidates watching Al on SNL."
THANK YOU. Jen, thank you for not being safely pc and bluntly putting this issue out there. I get tired of the endless racial politics just as much as anyone, but some things are just so blatant they must be pointed out. In my book, this statement shows how much you get it and I'm glad it was said first here by a non-black person. You f--kin' rock!
Aside from the race thing, I think this was one of the most poorly written and executed SNL's in history. It was often painful to watch so many jokes fall flat. Remember the cab skit? I think I heard crickets in the audience. Terrible. It's funny too, because Sharpton screams comedy, and they totally dropped the ball by whipping up all these hackneyed race based sketches. If Tina Fey is head writer, she may need a vacation or something, and then come back and whip her crew into shape because that show sucked bad. Come on, it was Sharpton! Just saying his name invites a chuckle even to those who like him. They missed an easy homerun.
(all that said, as a black guy, I didn't like sharpton before, and I like him even less know. for me the highlight of the night was the deliciously BRUTAL jab that SNL took at David Spade. that had to hurt.)
Jen, thank you so much for posting the pic and the transcript. I thought I was going to snap if I heard one more mention of Ms. Hilton's name -- but I found myself totally cracking up by this wonderful SNL skit, which was by far the best thing about last night's show.
damn, i can't believe i missed paris by 15 minutes! and i personally felt that of the skits i saw, the deomcratic candidates one was by far the funniest - the casa del sushi one tempted me to turn off the tv it was so bad.
I've been a big fan of SNL for the past two years but this last episode was a real stinker. Even Weekend Update was a snooze, with the sole exception of Pimp Pimp which I replayed a few times for myself.
I did delight in seeing Paris Hilton looking uncomfortable and nervous at the close of the show, fidgeting like a kid who doesn't know how to look cool at a party when no one is talking to him.
" good SNL writers" is an oxymoron and has been for years. But for the record they're all busy kissing Lorne's ass, hoping he'll help them pitch a movie idea.
dear gothamist,
thanks for the linkage ... hott!
I missed the first twenty minutes or so, only catching the end of "Brian Fellows' Animal Safari," which was always one of my favorite Tracy Morgan characters. I was hoping they would do a Darrell Hammond "Hardball" sketch, with Sharpton doing Sharpton. Did they do that in the first few minutes and I just missed it?
Gah! I wouldn't have transcribed it if I knew you were going to.
http://www.stereogum.com/archives/000987.html
Oh well.
Comedy central now shows mad tv. and mad tv gets better ratings. the writers must have been out with the flu this season on snl. either that or all the really good comedians are gone now.
Comedy central now shows mad tv. and mad tv gets better ratings. the writers must have been out with the flu this season on snl. either that or all the really good comedians are gone now.
I'm still wondering: did Paris Hilton ever visit the Hilton Paris?
Paris is Interesting! (and not bad looking) But is she really worth making all this fuss over? I mean come on! :)
I think that it was good and that paris hilton carried herelf well with what was being said.
And i also think she dressed appropately.
PARIS HILTON ROCKS!!!!
I have scarves for Tiny! E-mail me and I can get you a GREAT deal!
Paris is a Goddess. I don't care what anyone says.
paris hilton rocks she is soooo cool and is a good role model from people my age ( 14 )keep up the good work paris :) we all love u in new-zealand